Books

Excerpts from Venice Beach

Chapter 62

 

EL GOBBLE – 10:30 A.M.

 

     Ray is casually walking down the dock towards the boat. He hops over on the swim platform and climbs up the ladder. Dawn walks out just as Ray is getting on the deck; Dawn lets him have it. “Where in the fuck have you been? You’re an hour late, you dickhead!”

     “Ah, man, I have just been digging on the morning!” Ray says. Ray pulls out a joint, fires it up, and the smoke billows up into the air. Jeff is just coming up the stairs. “Fuck! Where have you been? We gotta time table we gotta stay on, man!” Ray is not concerned. “Man, it’s fucking 9 o’clock in the morning! We got all day to get to Catalina, fuck!” Jeff is pissed. Ray continues pulling off of the pot cigarette. He offers Jeff a hit.

           “Fuck man, we don’t have time for that shit right now!” says Jeff. Ray smiles and says, “Suit yourself, dude-man, I’m gonna get me some rays.” He strips off down to his Speedo. Dawn and Jeff have to laugh. It changes the mood. Nobody could look as fucking stupid as Ray in a Speedo. Ray looks around. “What?” says Ray, trying to figure out what’s up. Dawn kicks in, “You sure are some little dick boy, huh?” They laugh some more.

Ray is priceless. “Fuck you people!” He heads for the front deck. Jeff surveys everything. “It’s time to do it. All right, let’s light ‘em up!” Jeff goes to the bridge and turns the key. The engines start with almost a boom. They are gurgling diesels, sucking in the water, blowing it out the back. “Dawn, undo those lines like I showed you.” Dawn climbs off the boat. The engines are roaring in the quiet marina. The sound is bouncing off the other boats and buildings. It is a sound of power.eff guides Dawn. “Yeah, that’s it, honey. Be careful!” Dawn drops the last line and hops on the swim platform. The yacht starts making its way out of the marina. El Gobble makes the turn and heads out of the channel. Ray is laid out on the front. Dawn eases up beside Jeff and puts her arm around him. She loves the way that he smells. So clean. Ray gets up to walk back to the bridge. He sees Dawn and Jeff kissing. “Are you fucking kidding me?” is all Ray can come up with.

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Excerpts from Hello Montana

 

Chapter 8

Willow’s Travel Court

     Terry and Bridget are camped out in Weippe, Idaho on their way back to Montana. An older Chevy pick-up pulls up next to Terry, who is cleaning fish. This little hard man gets out of the truck and comes over to Terry. His face is tight and red and it seems like the skin on his face is stretched to the limit. “Where’d you git ‘em” he says? Terry looks around at points down the hill. “Down there in that little pond”. The little man looks down the hill and then back at Terry. He spits a load of dark brown juice-matter onto the earth. “There ain’t no fish down d’there!” Terry looks up from gutting the fish, “Well, then how’d I catch these?” The little man is taking it all in, it seems very important to him.  “Guess you’re just magic, you know” and laughs”. Terry continues on.

     The Pick-up man has a red ball cap on that says “CHEW” in capital letters. He reaches over and takes the knife out of Terry’s hand. Terry lets him have it. “Now fuck, looky here. You ain’t doin it right!” Well, just hold on. I’m-a gonna show you how to do it!” Bridget comes out of the tent. Looks over at the Pick-up man and then to Terry. She smiles and sits down on a bench pulled up next to the tent their living in.

The PU man continues the lesson for Terry. “See you hold ‘

‘em and slice like this”. He takes a downward angle the same way Terry was doing it. Terry agrees with him,” Yeah, that’s great man!” It just don’t matter. The little man gives Terry the knife back and takes a seat on the woodpile. He spits again and looks over at Terry. “You ever kill anybody?”

     Terry looks at the man. Nothing fazes him anymore. There is a Zen-ness about him. It’s an easy reply from Terry,” Nope!” The pickup man squirms around a little and says, “You want to? Sure, if you do, man”. Pick-up man stands up and does a little dance and says, “All right, come on man!” They both head to the truck. PU man gets in on the drivers' side and Terry goes for the passenger side but is stopped.  “Naw…..you sit in the back!” Bridgett comes back out of the tent and sees Terry in the bed of the pick-up.  “Where you goin honey?” Terry reaches out his hand for hers and nonchalantly says. “Oh, we're gonna go and kill somebody?” Bridgett in all her Nordic beauty smiles. “Oh, OK! Be back before dinner, I love you!”

      The truck takes off down the road. Terry looks down into the cab and sees a diet Pepsi and a shotgun. The truck turns onto another road. The truck continues to pick up speed. The truck slides around a curve and throws Terry over to one side and then another. The truck is flying. There is a 50 ft. drop-off to the right. The truck is plowing up dirt and rocks. The truck turns on a very sharp curve. It comes close to the edge. Terry just looks up at the sky and thinks about Montana.

     The truck pulls into the Tanner General Store and he jumps out and runs inside and in about 2 minutes comes out with a six-pack. He throws one to Terry. “Sink your gut into that brother!” No thanks, man.” Terry throws it back to him. This confuses the little man. “What’s the fuckin’ problem? ”I don’t drink anymore,” he says. The PU man looks disgusted. He doesn’t really have a comeback for this. He goes down deep into his white-American-male side and spits out, “Well………..you queer or something?” Terry smiles ”No…………..I’m not queer”. PU Man kills the beer and throws the can in the bed and opens another one. Terry looks at the hard-edged little man.

     The conversation ebbs and then. “You’re just crazy aren’t you”? The man says nothing but looks hard at Terry. It is like someone has finally seen him for the first time and is not afraid. He quietens down and softens. Terry’s words seem to bring comfort to the man. A laugh starts deep in his belly and rushes past his chest and out his mouth. “Pert’ much”, he says. The conversation ebbs again. “Yeah, I had a brother that was crazy. Always doin' things to hurt himself. You ever do shit like that, asks Terry? “Oh, all the time!” the little man says. “Well, you know I think that the people they call crazy are just really trying to find that place where they want to be. PU MAN takes another swig off the beer. “So they gotta act like that just to keep people away from ‘em cause all they’re really trying to do, is to get back home!. PU MAN sits the beer down. “That’s what I’m doing”, says Terry. The little man looks up, “Why you trying to get back home? “Well, so I can die.” The hard edge of the little man softens even more and he just sits and listens to Terry. “You know you gotta look for the good in people, cause whatever you're looking for, is what your gonna find.”

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Collection of Short Stories

Tales from the Human Wasteland

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Tabitha 

East Chattanooga, Tn. 1983

 

     Austin had barely made it out of the trailer with a kitchen knife embedded into his shoulder with the promise from his meth driven younger girlfriend Tabitha, “I’m gonna fuck you up!” Seems that Tabitha, also called “T” had found the telephone number of his ex-wife in his jean jacket. This really pissed her off. Austin had left his wife Rita two years ago 

along with the 3 kids to hook up with her and she wasn’t gonna let him get away, even if she had to kill him. She loved her man.

     Austin got in his truck and with fractured hope he prayed that the piece of shit would crank and it surprised him by hitting on the 1st try. He could see “T” coming out of the trailer dressed only in a soiled pair of panties. He gunned it, laughing and covered her with rocks and gravel. Austin went to the only bar in town, “The Get-Away”. He was hoping somebody could help him with the blade that was still stuck in his fucking shoulder.

He pulls up out front and gets out. He walks into the cosmic darkness with the sounds of 70’s country music blaring and that sickening stale beer smell that old fucked up bars have. He saw Kitty behind the bar and walked up. She looked at him with her mouth wide-open.

     “What in the fuck, man”? Kitty says. “That fucking bitch stabbed me, she fucking stabbed me!” says Austin. Tommy the cook comes out from the back and helps Austin over to a chair. Kitty brings him a couple of shots of bourbon. “Well, what are you gonna do man” Tommy says? “Well for fucking Christ-sakes, I guess get this fucking blade out of me first!” They all kinda laughed.

     About 30 minutes later Jimmy Douglas the local sheriff shows up at the bar. The blade is out of Austin’s shoulder but still bleeding pretty bad and Sherriff Jimmy looks at him with a sorryful look. “Well, I guess you mother-fuckers are gonna finally arrest that crazy bitch, right?” says Austin. The Sherriff is waiting for a good moment. “Well, we got a problem Austin”. They all three look at the sheriff. Jimmy starts off slow. “The problem is, Tabitha is dead!”

     The rocks that he had spun-out with the truck hit T in the forehead; killed her instantly. Austin was arrested and charged with 2nd degree manslaughter. He’s doing 10 years to 25 years at the state prison. His ex-wife Rita visits him as often as she can and always brings the kids. Austin works in the prison library.

 

 

 

           The Young Moderns

 

 

     Me and Gina, my girlfriend had about $400 dollars between us. Not really enough to keep us high all weekend for our “Heroin Fantasy Retreat” or the code name “HFR” that we comically referred to it as. Our friends had been planning it and we would be going along. There would be lots of narcotics there this weekend. Derek always came with excess. He was good to invite even when his fat girlfriend would get too high on coke and end up on a crying binge because she thought she was so hideous looking.

     Sometimes you just gotta suffer to get really good dope though and with the grade of stuff that Derek always carried you were gonna be getting high, I mean really fucking-high.

 

     Pete was in charge of bringing the Naloxone kits. The inject-able heroin reversal antidote for overdoses. It was just considered another piece of gear for the weekend party pack. Much like bringing the beer. You have to have it just in case. A couple of times they had to use it but most people are cool with the narcotics. Is that even a coherent statement?

 

     One weekend these crazy goof-ball mega-wealthy twins from Connecticut wanted to come to the party; do smack and ball some guys and girls. These were some serious trust-fund dope fiends my friend. Well they both passed out from smoking the shit and had to be revived and dam if as soon as they came out of the overdose phase they wanted to do some more. What a couple of whacked bitches. One of my friends heard that the Heidi twin had o’d and died in Paris and her sister Wendy decided to stop doing all drugs and become a Hindu and she moved to India to live in the filth and the disease. She said it was her way of giving back to the world.  What the fuck?

 

     I always loved taking the train to the “Dope Estate”. We would all meet at the station in mid-town Manhattan and get a large suite car and party all the way to Upper New York State. There was plenty of champagne, whiskey and weed to do but no serious fucking narcotics yet. It was about a 3-hour ride. On this trip there were 11 of us. One of the girl’s boyfriends didn’t want anything to do with a planned “Heroin Weekend Fantasy” in the Catskills. Who could blame him, the stupid fuck!

 

     Phillip’s parents had a killer cabin, well it wasn’t exactly a cabin it was more like a 2000-acre estate but to us it was just “the cabin”. It was way up on the back side of this mountain and I mean there was nothing fucking there. It was really dark and private. The perfect place for some spoiled, misguided douche bag youth to “kick out the jams, motherfucker” and live an over the edge lifestyle for a few days. Kinda like the dope fiends back in New York but only with nicer surrounding and groovy clean people that just loved you. We referred to our club as “The Young Moderns”. It was such a cool inside joke for all of us trust fund junkies. I think it was Rusty that had some hats made up with that on the lid.  It was pretty cool to wear them back in town and just let people ask you what it meant. I would always say something like” nothing you fuck head” unless I thought the guy might beat my ass or something then I just made something else up. I was a real cut-up, but I could afford to be. My life was set, all I had to do was not die and fuck it all up. It sounds easy, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not my brother. You just never know where you might get it. Be aware, oh kind soul.

 

     As soon as we got in the cabin the base started. I mean grams of coke being fired up. Huge mounds of smoke coming in and out of our lungs. Man I was so fucked up I went outside with my buddy Lars and started chopping wood.  I guess we cut a chord. It was a lot. Enough to keep the home fires burning for the weekend. Back in the house there was that putrid smell of melting crack.  Oh what a great smell. Oh how I loved it, oh how I wanted it in my lungs. Oh, my!

 

     The way the weekends were setup for the first several hours or so we just did base. There were 9 bedrooms in the place. So there was a lot of balling going on. We probably did about 3 ounces of coke those 1sts few hours and were totally crazy. The plan was to do coke until it just wasn’t fun anymore and we wanted to go the other way. You know, come down. Move into a purple glide from the mind-bending cocaine. Then the beauty drug would be brought out. The one we had all been craving. The most beautiful drug in the world. Heroin. Lots of heroin. We wanted to fuck and be fucked by the beautiful powder. It was an addiction yes but a really cool one because we all could afford it and anyway it was just for a couple of days. Not enough time to get a Jones or anything like that. I mean we were respectable.  We all had a future. Not like some clown trying to make it out in the world. We were already there. On the inside. With the magic numbers, the secret handshake and the address of the swank city gothic hostel hosted by Jim Morrison, the lizard man. Get the behind me Satan.

 

     It must have been about 4 am. I had started detaching my spirit from the coke and was settling into a beautiful, blissful heroin journey. Some of the others were lying on the floor. We were fucked up. The fire was burning low. Noland and this beautiful girl I had never seen before went outside to smoke a cigarette or something. I was obviously nodding out. The fire was crackling, and you could hear Chet Baker. Chet had been playing non-stop for 20 hours or so. The same CD over and over. I think it was called “Diane”. Definitely the best heroin dream music I had ever heard. It caught the essence of the feeling of opiate heaven.

 

     Then !!

 

     The most awful thing I had ever heard in my life. Was that a scream? It was so shocking that it made my head snap backwards. What the fuck? Then it happened again. I felt my chest cave in from the pressure of the scream. It stopped. Then it started again, only worse. What the fuck was going on?

 

     Me and Lars and Charlie somehow made it to the front door and turned on the properties search lights. I mean it looked like a fucking football field out there or something. We walked out and everything was quiet. All of a sudden, we saw this huge mass of hair run into the light. We almost died standing there. It was a bear must have been 1200 pounds and half of the little chickie’s body was hanging out of its mouth.  The bear stopped and looked at us, growled and lunged forward a bit. We ran back in the house. Everybody was freaking. The girls were screaming and crying. I noticed my teeth were even gnashing as we tried to explain what was happening. Meanwhile the bear continued to chow down on the little chick basically swallowing her whole from the knees down. Then the bear causally walked back over to the edge of the property and drags the guy back out. He was only missing his head. The bear, almost in a prideful way stood there and ate the rest of that body like he was at a fine French restaurant in Midtown and was waiting to see the desert list. After he had feasted, he looked over at the house and turned to leave and his one last act of “bear-ism” was to take a piss on some of the innards that were left over. Then he just disappeared into the woods.

 

     A few weeks after the funerals to bury what was left of my two friends, I was trying to get to this art gallery to pick a painting my mother had bought. On the way over I happened to turn up Paley Street. I saw this girl walking towards me with a group of friends that were partying hard for it to be 4PM on Wednesday. They were singing a Boy George song “Do you really want to hurt me”. I noticed as they walked by this little chick was wearing a pink hat that looked familiar.  On the front was stitched, “The Young Moderns”.

 

     Where in the fuck did, she get that?

The Young Moderns

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Film and TV

Welcome To Mouthfull

- Pilot Episode -

Welcome To Mouthfull

 

1st Season Treatment

 

Episode 1: Johnny and LouJean

 

 

The day starts off as most days do at JohnnyElvis’shack. LouJean on top yelling, “Fuck me Johnny, Fuck me Johnny”. As JohnnyElvis gets up to go to the bathroom he asks LouJean if “you think we got’er done this time”? LouJean says she’s sure of it because the “Sweet Baby Jesus” came to her in a dream last night and told her “her time was at hand”.

 

On out into the living area LouJean prepares breakfast with “America’s Most Wanted Fugitives“blaring on the TV. She serves up one of JohnnyElvis’s favorite meals. Vienni Sausages and eggs with all the water poured in.

 

JohnnyElvis is not happy when he finds out that the battery cables he needs have been borrowed by the “The Twins”. He’s out the door to fetch them and runs into Wendell Pardue in his old Ford. Wendell owns the local bait shop and is the town’s unofficial philosopher.

 

JohnnyElvis hates going over to “The Twin’s” house. They are very creepy in their cocktail dresses and dark shades. There has always been a question into the murder of their parents and their possible involvement. The Twins run a café known as “The Pickle Café”. Their specialty is “The Pickle Sickle”. Frozen dill pickle juice on a stick. The Twins are also rumored to be in a sexual relationship.

 

Some of the regulars come by Wendell’s bait shop. First in this morning are the Dell Brothers. Lou Dell, P. Dell and Bill Dell. Lou Dell had been nicked by a rattler in the barn and his head is swelled up like a watermelon. Little Jimmy No-Balls comes in to get some grubs to go fishing with. Jimmy’s nemesis is Papa Ray, a mean, large black dog who is always trolling the city for Jimmy. Two years ago Papa Ray ate off Jimmy’s nut sack one morning when he found him passed out in a ditch.

 

LouJean calls her Mama after Johnny leaves and tells her she is pregnant. This happens 3-4 times a week. Mama is happy. Her husband Ed just took delivery of two 6-ft plus Eastern Diamond Back Rattlers. Ed is in charge of the “snake handling” down at the “Mountain Free Will Church”. Ed is very proud of his vipers.

 

JohnnyElvis meets up with his band members down at Todd’s Recording Studio. They are running through a new song called “White Trash Girl”. Todd thinks it’s a hit and good enough to be on the radio. Todd wants to take it to this manager he knows “Cy Simon” down in Knoxville to hear. Johnny gives the go ahead and the band gets busy on the bong.

 

During the Wednesday night prayer service LouJean gets up in front of the church and asks for all the Faithfull to pray for Johnny’s sperm to get up inside of her to make a baby. Pastor Tabor and his wife are shaken.

 

Wendell has a wet dream at his house while watching “DEATH SLAM WRESTLING”. Ronnie and Connie cash talk about moving to the Everglades. The Dell Brothers invade the “Pickle” and cause a commotion with The Twins and Ma Pecker and her whores from “The Hit ‘n Go”.

 

JohnnyElvis gets a call from Todd saying that the manager, CY Simon wants to have a meeting with him possibly for a recording contract and management deal. JohnnyElvis meets CY and his secretary LuAnn. Who develops an immediate sexual attraction to LouJean!

    

JohnnyElvis signs the deal. His life is about to change in a big way.

 

Episode 2: Hillbillies on Acid

 

 

Aaron and Noble are 2 college grads on their way to Florida. They’re car breaks down in Mouthfull. They happen to be carrying 2000 hits of LSD. Billy and Bruce, a gay biker couple that are driving up from New Orleans also stop to spend the night in Mouthfull.

 

Ma Pecker and her whores, Penny, Tina and Georgia are having a morning discussion about servicing some of the clients. Especially The Dell Brothers and their attraction to “light bondage”. Ma encourages the girls to keep the faith, provide the service for the community and try to fuck everything in Choctaw County. The whores feast on grits and eggs.

 

JohnnyElvis and LouJean go fishing down at the Caney Fork River. LouJean is impatient and keeps pulling up her line to look at it. This annoys Johnny. LouJean throws her pole down and heads for the car. Johnny’s hooks into a big fish and LouJean runs back down to the river bank to help. They end up in the car with LouJean screaming “Fuck me Johnny, Fuck Me Johnny”. They drive home naked and start singing “I’m going to Jackson” as the sun fades down.

 

The town council is meeting to discuss the annual July 7th “Coon Festival”. A yearly event that has gone on for the last 80 years. Sheriff Tripper and Wendell want JohnnyElvis to headline but Harvey wants a band called “The Devils Child” to play. Widow Jones is against that because they are a satanic band. Harvey tells the Widow Jones to “blow me”! The meeting adjourns with JohnnyElvis headlining for the 8th year.

 

JohnnyElvis is at the studio with Todd when a call comes in from CY Simon. CY tells JohnnyElvis that he has set up his 1st radio interview on the Lester Pettigrew morning show. JEC is very excited and Todd is happy too. The band guys hit the bong.

 

The interview at “The Lester Pettigrew Morning Show” on WJKV does not go very well. It seems Lester is afflicted with “Sleep Apnea” and passes out on the mic for several minutes before re-awakening. When Lester comes to they talk about the doins’ up in Mouthfull this weekend and “The Coon Festival”.

 

Aaron and Noble take some of the LSD they have brought with them up at Indian Falls. They stay up on the mountain all night. The next day they are still very psychedelic and come into town and find out about “The Coon Festival”. They are very thirsty and go by the food tent where they discover “Watermelon Punch”. After drinking several cups they lace the remaining 30 gallons of the punch with 200 hits of LSD so their friends in Mouthfull can experience the beauty.

 

After a couple of hours the crowd has ingested all of the punch. The effects of the LSD gets the whole town tripping. It turns into a sorta “Mini-Hillbilly Woodstock”. JEC and LouJean arrive and don’t know what to make of it. There are naked people everywhere, people having sex and poor LouJean even see’s her sweet mama on all fours doing the nasty. The National Guard has to be called in and Little Jimmy asks Wendell to be his Daddy.

 

 

Episode 3: Do Me In Vegas

 

 

The good Pastor Tabor likes to relax fiddling around with his CB Radio on the weekends. Just good clean Christian fun. He breaks in on a couple of guys talking about fishing. The Pastor starts to irritate them with his obscene remarks. Like “I got a hole you can have”! This is the Dick police boy! And “I’d like to cut into your ass! Pastor Tabor thinks this is very funny. The CB’ers just want to kill his ass. His wife, Doris is concerned about how much time he spends on the CB but he assures her it’s just “good clean Christian fun”.

 

The morning starts off as usual with LouJean screaming “Fuck me Johnny, Fuck me Johnny”! Later on LouJean is out on the porch washing some clothes and hanging them to dry. A phone call comes in from LuAnn looking for JEC. She talks with LouJean and feels her body start to squirm with the thoughts of her and LouJean and JohnnyElvis sexually. CY gets on the phone. He has had a call from Las Vegas and he has booked JohnnyElvisCash into one of off-the-main drag hotels. He will headline! JEC is shocked and deeply affected by the news. He walks out of the house out into the yard and falls down and starts moaning and crying and just acting crazy. LouJean jumps off the porch and runs to Johnny. “What’s the matter babe? What’s the matter babe? JohnnyElvis weakly responds with “I done been booked in Vegas” and starts blubbering again. They are going into Knoxville to meet with CY to get all the info and tickets they will need. LouJean is so excited she calls her Mama and of course Mama is over the top. JEC tells LouJean to go out and buy some Vegas type cloths. She goes to the only high fashion place in Mouthfull, “Monique’s House of Fashion”. LouJean spots a red, sequined over-the-top Dolly Parton style pantsuit and wants to try it on. Monique has to give LouJean a pair of panties because JohnnyElvis “don’t like her wearing drawers”. LouJean’s Mama warns her about being careful in “that city of sin”.

 

CY has JohnnyElvis come in for another meeting with LouJean and the bad news is delivered. LouJean cannot go because there is not enough money in the budget. She is heartbroken and crying her eyes out at the office.JEC does not know what to do, he is torn. CY reassures him that this will be better so he will not have any other responsibilities other than being a star. LuAnn tries to console LouJean. LouJean puts her head into Luann’s breast and hangs on so tight. She looks up at her and the moment strikes. She is so close; Luann leans down and puts her lips on LouJean’s. LouJean does not turn away. CY’s office door opens and she jumps up dazed but turned on. They decide that LouJean should stay at LuAnn’s while JEC is gone. LuAnn’s body twitches with excitement. LouJean is not very happy about her man going to Vegas without her.

 

The band is pissed off because they are not going. Todd tries to mediate. A decision is made that JEC needs someone to go with him to Vegas. Wendell is asked to go. They arrive in Vegas and are picked up with a Limo. The suite is gigantic and typical chrome and black Vegas with hot tub in the living room. JohnnyElvis goes to rehearsal and is told he will be using the 46 piece orchestra with the dancing girls. Wendell goes downstairs to the Casino and starts hitting 7’s at the craps table and attracts the attention of two hard core working girls. Wendell thinks they are models.

 

Wendell goes to another hotel and the party really starts. Wendell is doing blow and having sex with several people and is dressed completely in drag. It gets so out of hand that the police are called and Wendell is taken to jail.

 

Meanwhile the show that JohnnyElvisCash always wanted to do goes up in smoke. It is a disaster. JEC runs off the stage and out into the street and keeps running.

 

LouJean and LuAnn get into a bubble bath together and get to know each other better. LuAnn realizes that LouJean misses Johnny so much and decides to get LouJean a plane ticket to go to Vegas against the wishes of CY. LouJean is afraid to fly so she takes the bus instead.

 

JohnnyElvis gets back up at the suite and there is still no Wendell. He waits. Finally a call from Wendell, he tells JEC he is in jail and to come get him. He also tells Johnny to bring him some clothes. JEC says they are leaving this “shit-hole Vegas” tonight. Wendell agrees and finally breaks down and tells Johnny that he has “sinned, really sinned”. They decide that it all stays in Vegas.

 

LouJean finally arrives in Vegas after a two day bus trip to find that Johnny has left. On her way out she put a quarter in a slot and pulls the handle and hits the $50,000 grand prize. She walks out of the casino with $50K in cash. She sees a young Hispanic couple coming out of the “Little Angel Wedding Chapel”. They look so happy. LouJean stops the couple and hands them the cash. All of it! LouJean leaves Las Vegas happy.

Two days later JohnnyElvisCash meets LouJean at the bus and they rush to hug each other. They get in the car and start the drive back to Mouthfull. With the sun going down they start singing “I’m Going To Jackson”. Dog has his head hanging out the window biting at the breeze. All is good in their world.

 

 

Episode 4: Nashville Skyline Part 1

 

 

Johnny and LouJean decide to get a new TV but LouJean gets really mad at JohnnyElvis when he cusses and her and storms out of the room. This leads to another round of “Fuck me Johnny, Fuck me Johnny!

 

Since he got back from the Vegas fiasco JEC has gone back to playing gigs and writing and hanging around the house more with LouJean. Life feels good and LouJean is very happy but some new songs put the focus back on the music and he and CY get back together to try and figure what to do next. CY comes up with the formula.

 

CY sets up JohnnyElvis’s first trip to Nashville to write with some of the really big time hit songwriters. JEC has never co-written with anyone but is willing to give it a try. LouJean is not very excited at all until she finds out that she is going too.

 

They drive to Nashville at night and on the radio JohnnyElvis and LouJean hear Reba singing “Just a little love”. That turns the romance machine on and they end up hitting an exit and in the back of a truck stop you hear the immortal screams of LouJean. “Fuck Me Johnny, Fuck Me Johnny”!

 

Bubba Poindexter, the KING OF HILLBILLY PORN in East Tennessee is getting a dusting from his midget porn star “Little Fancy”. She also works the phones. Bubba’s discuses next week’s shooting schedule with his director, Rodney. The Japanese have a fascination seeing 2 bearded hillbilly types nailing a fat girl in a barn with some animals standing around. He makes huge money from their needs. Rodney is pushing for gay porn but Bubba tries to explain why girl on girl is OK and boy on boy ain’t! They can’t agree but Bubba is boss.

 

JEC and LouJean hit the city limits of Nashville, Music City. They exit at Murfreesboro Road and pull into the 1st motel they see. It’s called “The Music City Roadway Inn”. It is a dump but LouJean thinks it very nice because they got an ice machine and a pool. The motel manager books them in and asks if JEC is a songwriter. He tells Johnny about the writers night tomorrow evening and he should stop by. The next night JEC and LouJean go to the lounge.

 

Several acts perform who aren’t very good but are getting great support from the crowd. Finally one of the big dogs, Carlton Defever rolls up to the stage and in his “aw shucks” country star way plays for the crowd and knocks them dead. JohnnyElvis is not comfortable with the performance. He starts slamming tequila back one after the other. Carlton’s last song “Girl Get Your Britches Off” blows the night away. JEC reaches for more tequila. Somehow Johnny manages to get on stage and he plays “God of my Addiction”. Most of the crowd is gone but Carlton watches closely. After JEC gets off stage Carlton walks over and starts up a conversation and tells JohnnyElvis that was a great song. Camaraderie is established almost immediately. Carlton and JohnnyElvis drink until closing time. Carlton says he wants him to meet Lester Earl a club owner that had helped him a lot. They shake. They are friends. JohnnyElvis passes out in the room while LouJean shows off her new French drawers. LouJean finally just lies down and goes to sleep in Johnny’s arms.

 

 

Episode 5: Nashville Skyline Part 2

 

 

The Dell Brothers are playing around out in the barn and seeing who can shit the quickest. Lou Dell wins. Its a game the brothers have been playing all their lives. Lou Dell is proud and he gets to control the TV clicker tonight.

 

Lester Earl is a seedy club owner that has a bar called “Trixie’s Country Time Bar” that he runs with an evil eye. He is not a man to be taken lightly. He is dangerous.

 

Johnny and LouJean meet Carlton at the coffee shop. They make plans to go down to Trixie’s tonight, meet Lester and maybe set-in. They get there about 11 Pm and the place is rocking. It is an altered universe. Everyone seems to know Carlton and he is greeted by everyone, especially the girls. Carlton walks straight to Lester’s throne-like table setting up high so everyone can see him. The table reeks of an amphetamine mind-set. Lester meets JEC and eyes him closely like he thinks he might be trying to steal something. Lester tells Johnny he can play at midnight. Johnny just hangs loose but LouJean is getting into the champagne for the 1st time. She is getting wacked. Johnny performs on stage and blows the place up. Lester Earl takes notice and has him and Carlton meet him in his office where he brings out a bag of blow and gets into it. He does not offer anyone else any. Within 30 minutes Lester and JohnnyElvis have agreed to a record deal on his label. Lester keeps his nose in the bag.

 

It’s 2 Am and LouJean is really drunk and being difficult. JEC can’t get her out the door. She wants to fight everybody. Men or women. She throws around “mother-fucker” and “ass-hole” at random. LouJean starts flirting with a cowgirl on the way out the door and is kissing her neck and Johnny just drags her out with her screaming, “Get the fuck off me”!!

 

CY finds out that Johnny has not contacted his publishing buddy and calls JohnnyElvis at the motel and wakes him. LouJean is in the bathroom puking. CY is pushing on Johnny and finally they come to words. Johnny says he is getting into some other things and that he don’t want to work with him anymore. CY screams “fine, you dick-head” and slams the phone down. LouJean comes out of the bathroom but has to go right back and start puking again. Johnny, LouJean and Carlton go back the 2nd night and Johnny blows the place up again.

 

Brant Russell is the youngest billionaire in the world. He’s 23. His wealth is estimated at 40 Billion plus. He wants to get in the music business and he has come to Nashville to buy labels, publishing catalogs and set up the biggest entertainment company in the world. His people have been in Nashville for several months getting the lay of the land. They tell him about this incredible act they saw at Trixie’s called JohnnyElvisCash. Brant decides to go to lower Broadway and see for himself.

 

He is not disappointed. He wants JEC to be the 1st act the company signs. Brant’s assistant goes up to JEC after the gig and informs him a very important man just saw you play and was blown away and wants to meet you. Johnny has a feeling he should talk to this man. He goes out to the line of black SUV’s and gets in and he and Brant shake hands and a meeting is set for tomorrow morning at 7:30AM at the newly purchased 5th 3rd Bank Building in downtown Nashville.

 

JohnnyElvis is picked up early the next morning. There is a flurry of activity in the office and its only 7AM. All young 20-somethings. JohnnyElvis is led into Brant’s office. He is just closing out a deal purchasing Sony Music. He apologizes to JEC and they sit and talk. Brant explains his vision. They shake hands. The deal is made. JohnnyElvisCash is getting ready to have his life changed again, in a big way.

 

 

Episode 6: Hollywood and Swine

 

 

Mama Hazel is up early this morning canning more pig’s feet and Daddy Earl is cleaning out the rattlesnake cages for this Sunday’s service. LouJean calls from Nashville and tells her that she and Johnny are going to Hollywood She tells LouJean “this will probably kill your Daddy”.

 

JohnnyElvis meets Carlton in the coffee shop and shares his concerns about backing out on the deal he made with Lester Earl. Carlton assures JEC that Lester will understand and they head down to Trixie’s to talk with him but Lester Earl will not hear any of it and tells JohnnyElvis that he already has a deal with him and cannot sign with anyone else. Johnny gets tired of trying to reason with this amped up amphetamine crazy man and tells him to “fuck himself” and heads for the door. Lester Earl follows them into the street and assures JohnnyElvis that no one breaks a deal with him. Johnny keeps walking as Lester Earl screams, “You’ll be sorry mother-fucker”

 

Carlton drops JEC and LouJean off at The Nashville International Airport. LouJean confides to Carlton’s girlfriend that she is scared to death of flying. Raney gives her 2 10mg. valiums and tells her to take one as soon as they get on board.

 

Johnny and LouJean are flying 1st Class. The champagne is starting to flow and LouJean takes the (2-10 mg) Valiums and continues to drink champagne.JEC warns LouJean to slow down on the champagne but the valiums and the wine have kicked in and she becomes belligerent and tells JohnnyElvis to “stop telling me what to be-a doin’. After a lobster dinner on board LouJean gets sick and pukes all over herself and the people in front. The flight attendant helps clean her up and tells her not to worry. The flight finally lands and Leonard Smalls, Brant 2nd in charge picks them up in a black stretch and they speed back into LA to Brant’s Hollywood Hills estate. LouJean is offered the “Oxygen Room” to recover in and it works nicely. Leonard Smalls takes them to the Ritz-Carlton to check into their massive suite. LouJean is recovered and you hear “Fuck me Johnny, Fuck me Johnny” echo down the deserted halls of the Ritz. 

 

Back in Nashville Lester Earl has been stewing over the “fuck job” that JEC pulled and is determined to get even. Earl’s extensive under world connection leads him to Truc Nguyen, head of the powerful Thai mafia in LA. Lester puts his plan of revenge into action.

 

Brant, Johnny and LouJean go to a wrap party of a movie studio that Brant has purchased. They are celebrating teen actress Lola Mae Huffine and her next mega hit movie coming out in July called “The Texas Cheerleader Murders”. Brant checks in with the ass-kissing execs of Triline Pictures and Johnny and LouJean meet The Huffines, a crazy white-trash family from Valdosta, Georgia. Brant is very attracted to Lola Mae and lets her know it in a shy way. Curley Huffine, Lola Mae’s Daddy is very drunk and has taken off his shirt and is dancing out in the crowd. Just like home. JEC and LouJean have a good time.

 

The next day Brant takes them to a party at Hugh Heffner’s, Malibu pad and they meet many stars including Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The four of them retire into another room to talk. A friendship is struck up.

 

Truc Nguyen has infiltrated Brant’s house with spies. There is information that Brant is taking company jet to Hawaii for a week-end get away. Truc contacts Lester Earl and asks him how serious he is about getting rid of these people. Lester Earl confides “As serious as a hog shitting in the woods”. Nguyen does not understand but they cut the deal. A bomb will be placed on the aircraft set to go off when the plane has been in the air for a hour. There will be no survivors. Lester Earl is tickled that he is going to get even.

 

Brant wants JohnnyElvis and LouJean to go but LouJean has said she will never get on another airplane. The group flies out late Friday night and the plane goes down about 500 miles off-shore. No Survivors.

 

JohnnyElvis is up early Saturday morning to watch cartoons and LouJean is in the shower. JEC turns on the set and it is tuned to CNN. Wolf Blitzer has breaking news. A private jet owned by Brant Russell, President and owner of Corner Stone Investments has gone down. There will be no survivors. Lester Earl gets the news and dances a gig in his amphetamine laced office. Johnny and LouJean are devastated and heart broke for Brant.

 

 

Episode 7 All Roads Lead to Taos

 

 

Johnny and LouJean decide to drive back to Tennessee since all is lost with Brant’s death. The mood is somber and tearful in the car. They pull into a truck stop about 200 miles outside of LA and Johnny says “he’s just done with all of it”. LouJean tries to comfort him but it’s not gonna happen. Johnny’s response; “too many failures and the Lord must be telling him that this is not the road he should be on”. Johnny wants to break free of everything he’s known. He tries to persuade LouJean that they should move to Colorado. LouJean is not so sure but Johnny wants to take a side trip to Taos, New Mexico and she goes along with it thinking maybe it will help.

 

Back in Knoxville, LuAnn informs CY about the plane crash. Both of them feel sorry for Johnny and LouJean. CY especially feels bad about the words he and JEC had before they left for Hollywood. He shuts down and takes refuge at www.bubbashillbilliepornworld.com

 

It is dark and JEC and LouJean are on Hwy. 84 North going towards Taos. Suddenly a large animal darts in front of the car and they hit it and crash into a ditch. They both get out but the Mule Deer slowly dies in front of JohnnyElvis and to him it seems like a sign that he is doomed.

 

The car is totally wrecked. They are in the middle of nowhere. Johnny builds a fire to try and keep them warm. Out of the shadows of the fire JohnnyElvis see’s a figure. He stands up to defend himself and protect LouJean. Out from the dark steps a kid about 19. Wearing full buckskins and a backpack. Two other figure come out of the darkness. Two girls; Tooney and Lala about the same age. They too are all dressed in bucks and have knives around their belts. They look like a threat. Homer, the guy, tells Johnny about a camp they live at with an old medicine man Indian named Grey Wolf. They suggest that they come with them because of the coyotes and the snakes that will be crawling tonight because of the full moon. LouJean does not need to be convinced any further. The five of them hike to the camp across the canyon and up into a rock fortress.

 

They meet Grey Wolf. He is not really what they expected in a medicine man. He uses slang terms like “dood” and “awesome”. The old Indian usually has a cloud of marijuana hanging over him. He and the tribe smoke a lot of weed and take a lot of peyote. There are 14 of them that are in the tribe. Mostly girls and a few guys. Grey Wolf does a lot of fucking.

 

Grey Wolf and the tribe take ceremonial peyote and offer some to Johnny and LouJean to take. They all go into a powerful sweat that Grey Wolf leads. There are plenty of songs and plenty prayers. JEC and LouJean have a spiritual experience in the sweat. Outside JohnnyElvis tells Grey Wolf what they saw and he says, “Groovy man”!

 

The next morning JohnnyElvis talks with Grey Wolf and tells him that he and LouJean want to stay and live with them. The old Indian says that is not possible. That Johnny and LouJean must go back home so that Johnny can live his destiny. Grey Wolf convinces them to go back. Sadly they say OK. Grey Wolf tells him he saw everything last night in the red-hot clear “grandfather” rocks. The Old Indian tells him he has seen him in his visions for many years and knew that Johnny would eventually show-up. He confides to them and the tribe that his time here is over here and he is ready go to “the happy hunting grounds”, said in a mocking way. He also plans to do “plenty of fucking” for the next 3 days before he ascends. JohnnyElvis and LouJean drive back to Tennessee but they leave with more than they came with.

 

 

Episode 8: Bada Bing, Oh Hell Yeah

 

 

Upon their return to Mouthfull Johnny and LouJean are refreshed with a new outlook. Johnny and CY talk and repair the damage that was done and plan to form a new partnership.

 

New Jersey mobster, Tommy “The Salami” Polinaro gets into town and discovers the local “Hillbilly Meth” being manufactured. The grade and the price is enough to call his bosses back in Jersey to look at setting up an operation here in Mouthfull. Tommy and mob buddy Slyvie discover that these hillbillies eat “squirrel nuts” out of a bag like potato chips.  The Dell Brothers introduce Tommy to Ma Pecker and her whores. The whores are delighted and are truly amazed with “The Salami’s“name sake.

 

LouJean takes refuge with Wendell at the bait shop when she and JEC have a little fight. Wendell is not very good at this kind of thing but he does his best. He is “lustful” for LouJean’s wiry little body and firm tits and quickly develops a chubby. A car pulls up and out steps Malcolm Batey and old boy friend of LouJean’s that didn’t end well. Malcolm went to prison and just got back into town. LouJean is shocked to see him. Malcolm acts like an asshole and tells LouJean that when she “really wants some hard pecker, and not some old fucker, to come see him”. LouJean rebukes him. There is a fat blonde in the car that gets out and comes straight for LouJean. “So this is the little skinny bitch you always be talking about”? Malcolm laughs. LouJean shoots back, “at least I ain’t a fat hawg”. The fat girl lunges at LouJean and Malcolm holds her off. They leave with the fat girl taking off her t-shirt and leaning out the window and screaming at LouJean “to get fucked”. Malcolm enjoys being “fought over”.

At the studio JohnnyElvis finds out that a Japanese Power drink company is going to use one of his songs for their new ad campaign JEC celebrates with a little weed and some “local shine”. He gets really fucked up but gets in his car to head home. Malcolm and the fat blonde just happen to be driving by the studio when JohnnyElvis pulls out on the road. He follows in close behind him. He wants to have some fun and he starts running in to Johnny’s old car. JEC speeds up. The fat blonde is afraid and begs Malcolm to stop but he only becomes more determined to fuck Johnny up. Speeds hit 90+. Malcolm pulls out from behind and catches Johnny’s car on a curve and taps the front bumper and the car veers towards the right, flips and goes airborne and lands upside down in a creek. Malcolm and the fat blonde run down to the car. Malcolm wades out in the water and pulls JohnnyElvis out of the car. He gets him to the bank. He is not breathing. He tries to blow air into his lungs.

 

Suddenly an angel of the Lord descends and appears at the river bank. The angel is radiant and as bright as the sun. He looks at Johnny and then back at Malcolm. When he looks at Shawna she is immediately struck down dead and falls to the ground. Malcolm is scared and in tears. The angel smiles at him.

 

 

 

EXT: HWY 15 – NIGHT

 

The Angel speaks to Malcolm.

 

"You will live but Shawna could not. She is unclean".

 

The Angel moves closer to Malcolm.

 

"Put out your hands"

 

Malcolm does as the Angel says. He is struck down by the power and falls hard to the ground. The Angel communicates with him thru the silence. He tells Malcolm, to arise and do wrong no more. Malcolm comes to and sees the Angel. In an instant the Angel ascends up and it is quiet again. Malcolm gets to his knees. His tears come down as blood on his face. He sees Shawna lying on the ground. There is no pain on her face. She is peaceful. She looks happy. Her sins are forgiven. Malcolm gets to his knees and looks at JohnnyElvisCash.

 

CUT TO:

 

 

EXT: HWY. 15 – NIGHT

 

A warm breeze rustles through the trees. It goes right thru Malcolm’s body. He continues to pray. Distant sirens can be heard rushing towards the scene where JohnnyElvis lifeless body lies.

                                 

 

  THE END OF SEASON ONE

JohnnyElvis-JukeboxParty

Death Train
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I'm On Dope
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Monkey Spank
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White Trash Girl
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TV / Film Scripts and Treatments

The Huffines of Hollywood

Curley

PeeWee

Lola Mae

Denise

Talcolm

Talcolm

Genre: Dark Comedy TV Series

Pitch:   Entourage meets The Beverly Hillbilly's, East Bound and Down meets Roseanne

Logline: Lola Mae Huffine is 19 years old. She is the newest and hottest actress of 2018. Her first movie was the "Texas Cheerleader Murders." Since then her rise to fame has been meteoric. Lola Mae's father (Curley) tries to manage her career and money, her dim-witted mother (Denise) just wants to keep the family unit together, her step-siblings (PeeWee and Talcolm) love living the high life in the Hollywood Hills on Lola Mae's dime. PeeWee's movie-star ambition complicates the family dynamics.

Seeking investors and creative partners. Pilot script completed.

 

 

HILLBILLY nation

Harland Pettibone
Trixie Johnson
Scooter Willingham

Genre:     TV Dark Comedy

Pitch:       The Sopranos with Grits

Logline:   Harland Pettibone  is “Big Daddy” of the three major crime families that control the counties at the Tennessee-North Carolina  state line. Scooter Williamson and Trixie Johnson head the other two families. They are ruthless, vengeful and territorial. Much like the crime families of New York City they stay banded together for the good of all but it is always a delicate balance in keeping the uneasy peace when so much is at stake.  Their money crops are drugs, extortion, kidnapping, whiskey, prostitution, gambling and murder. Mix in a little KKK, the Kiwanis, Pentecostal snake handlers, grits, bibles and guns and you have the Southern mafia.

But they do have a couple of other problems.

Vampires and Zombies

cartoon island

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A Great Big Wonderful WorldTheme For Cartoon Island
00:00 / 03:21

The ShowRunner

Title: The Showrunner

Genre: Dark, Comedy, :30 TV

Pitch: American Psycho meets Curb You Enthusiasm     Pitch: Entourage meets Dexter

Logline: A Want-a-be Mega Agent to the Hollywood Stars. Willing to do anything to get a foot hold. Nothing out of bounds.

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Elias Huston (that’s not his real name) is a liar. His whole life is built on lies. He crashes into the Hollywood TV/Film community using his degree from Harvard (Lie) to land his first job as an assistant to the Mega-Pro mercurial Showrunner (Bob Mecklenberg, a real douche).  He says he has ties to investment oil money from Dubai (Lie). His mother and father were killed in the Concord Crash (Lie). He inherited a large sum of money from a deceased uncle in Germany (Lie). He’s determined to make it in Hollywood at all costs and he is leveling the playing field as quickly as he can. Nothing is out of limits. Deceit, cover-up, drugs and murder. Did I mention Lying?

 

Elias’s father ran the family bakery in Brooklyn. He had hopes that his son would take over the business, but Elias had a different path he wanted to take. He loved movies. He loved the actors, the fanfare, the power, the wealth but more than anything else, the fantasy. In the movies, you could be whomever you wanted to be, and that was Elias’s dream. To be something other than he was.

So he sets off with his pockets full of dreams to become part of the Hollywood elite. He leaves behind a crazy pregnant girlfriend and an elderly male acquaintance from the upper East Side of Manhattan with a bashed-in head and dead as fuck. He takes credit cards, rare coins, stamp collections, $35,000 in cash, and the old man's brand new Mercedes 600-S.

The story begins with Elias's 3-day magic mushroom-infused cross-country trip from Brooklyn to Tinsel Town and his soul-stretching revelation while driving across the country's heartland that he can will himself to become a major player in the entertainment business. Elias is evil, but he is a good person. Really? Really?

 

Hello Hollywood

 

 

 

Videos

Artwork

by: stephen allen davis

Velvet Elvis in Memphis

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Roy and Steve

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Tootsie's with Bolero

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Hank and the Doll

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7Up-Coke Afternoon

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Porter and da' blyz Ma'an

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Teenage Acid Dreams

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Mop-Tops Score

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Psychedelic Beatles

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The Weed Perspective No. # 2

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Long Ball

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Purple Bike Chicks on the Road

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Ala Carte Strat Eyes

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Lines 2 Porter

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Hank and the RayBans II

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Lime Blues Drop

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Mods and the Bluz

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Where the Twain Meets

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My Mom's Car

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Music

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TWANGSTAR RECORDING

American Pie
A Beautiful Day
Twist
Thank you Lord for this day

© 2021 Stephen Allen Davis, All Rights Reserved.

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TWANGSTAR RECORDING was first put together in 1988. I started with a TASCAM Porta-Studio, a 4-track cassette setup. I got one of the 1st drum machines an Alesis HR 16  and I was off to the races. I love recording and for the last 33 years, everything I have recorded was at one of the incarnations of TWANGSTAR RECORDING.  I recollect there have been (9) all together. When I moved to Nederland Colorado in 1991 that is when I really started looking for the right setup and I went thru everything. I took a 1-inch TASCAM recorder and a 32 Mackie to Colorado with me and that is where I recorded THE LIGHT PINK ALBUM on that setup.  It wasn't long before I went crazy and bought an MCI 24 Track / 2 inch and also got a TAC Matchless 36 Chn. board. Three of the studios were installed on Yachts out in Marina Del Rey and one in Malibu, then back to Nashville. Left Nashville in 2017 and moved to a cabin in Kentucky. From there I relocated to where I am now,

Goodluck, Kentucky

2019-2021

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Penrod, Kentucky

2017-2019

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Wessex Towers Nashville, Tennessee

2012 - 2017

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Belmont Blvd, Nashville Tennessee

2010-2012

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Marina del Rey, California

1995-2002

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Richland House Nashville, Tennessee

1998-2001

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Malibu, California

1997-1998

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Nederland Colorado

1991-2010

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Old Hillsboro Rd. Franklin, Tennessee

1988-1991

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© 2021 Stephen Allen Davis, All Rights Reserved.